to a loved one...

First things first, I disobeyed your order to read it before I sleep 'cos the offer was too tempting. What's with the rule of reading it only before I sleep anyway? You're making me have insomnia that way ok! :P

Anyway, your letter was a nice surprise, really...very encouraging (don't roll your eyes!) so, to ensure that your efforts won't go to waste, here's your reply(Disclaimer: In case you haven't noticed, Gemini is a double entity and likewise, I'm not that good with words too so, don't worry about that!).

Honestly speaking, I didn't know I was THAT significant to you, haha! I've been very blessed to know someone like you too. You've been equally, if not more, generous when it comes to spending time and money with me. Know something? I don't know why but somehow I tend to feel guilty when I'm out with you cos you seem to be paying for everything most of the time and also for listening to my rants and complaints, which are trivial compared to the problems you are facing now.

I admire your courage, your open-mindedness as well as your receptiveness in handling the things and the people around you. You've been as understanding and supportive in helping me with my decision-making, not forgetting your honesty, which can be difficult to convey to a friend as the truth hurts sometimes. I guess I still have a long way to go with regards to my self-esteem (as a boring person) and I'm actually quite surprised to see that you think otherwise 'cos you're wayyy more interesting than me man....

Truth be told, I enjoy spending time with you, really. I don't know about you but it seems to me that everywhere I go, there's surely one thing around, wherever I might be at that moment, that reminds me that we've "been there, done that" (if you know what I mean). Like what you've mentioned, we've done everything under the sun from food to fashion, music to movies (PS: "Twilight" is overrated and Russell Wong's cool okaye!?), from our recent fetish on staying fit to our innate love for lit.

Just to share with you, THAT night at the park was one of the best moments of Year 2008. (You remember it too, don't you?) I like the fact that we were oblivious to the people around us, especially your favourite SIM dragonboating hunk at the fitness corner, and were happy just sitting there and belting out whatever songs that came to our mind etc. Even our rendition of the National Day Songs (complete with our brand of alarming dance moves a la High School Musical cum MTV-style) was enough to make my day. Guess I could say that was one of the times I felt like myself again,haha....

Also, I really appreciate your willingness and your concern with regards to listening to my problems. The reason why I might seem reluctant to share about my issues is due to the fact that I'm inherently a cautious and reserved person (if you aren't already aware of it) and it can be quite hard to share my problems just like that but I promise I'll be more open with you about my stuff ok?

Most of all, I admire the love and concern you have for your family. I really don't know what to say...

And, and, and....don't ever think that you're insignificant to me 'cos you're not! Friendship cannot be computed in economical terms. Having more friends does not mean that the value of regard one feels for each friend shrinks like Economies of Scale (EOS) ok...Quantity does not equate to quality.

I hate to think that you perceive yourself as someone with no determination and diligence cos I believe that you do have these qualities. It's just that you do not realise it and actualise it as much yet. You might not be aware of it but your easy personality makes people around you feel at ease. That is also the reason why you should not be feeling depressed cos it really rubs off on the other party and you're only making me worry more.

I know it seems inappropriate to add this but my deepest desire is to see you getting out of your depressed psyche and taking control of your life cos it really hurts to see you suffering but not being able to help you as much as I'd liked to. I know I have no right to say this but I really wish that you'll see Life through a different lens, not as the dark and pessimistic one you deem it to be but that of one with endless possibilities, where things are fluid and ever-changing.

And much as I want to be there for you all the time, I know it is impossible due to my limited capacities as a human but I'd like you to know that you'll be a constant in my prayers and that God loves you and is always there to listen to you.

Finally, even though I mentioned earlier that this is a reply to your letter, and like all replies one has to be compelled to write stuff like that, take heart that everything comes from the heart and that I truly feel this way, even though I don't express it openly to you.

I really hope that this year (as well as in many other years to come) will be a booster to our friendship :D

PS: Quite random, but you are not banned from my blog now (I felt that I need to say this cos it would be quite unfair if I deny you access, at this point of our friendship, right?)

cognitive vomit

Arghh...can't believe holidays are almost coming to an end. Seems like the days after exam were just a myriad of activities: shopping, going out, meeting up,exercising,etc...

I have to say that this Christmas was one of the busiest Christmases I've ever had for the whole 19 years of my life. I didn't realise that being involved in the youth Christmas event for church could take up such a substantial amount of time even though my role was quite minor (At this point, I really salute the Pastors and church people for always giving their 101% to the events to make it a memorable one!).

I think I'm feeling the after effects of Christmas already: physical and mental burnout, a deep gaping hole in my pocket, not to mention the fact that I can feel a slight fever building up.

Hmmm...should really start taking care of myself cos I've been pushing my physical and mental faculties way past the limit but come to think of it,I have no regrets. Sounds cliche but I realised that giving is indeed better than receiving. Up to now, I didn't really understand its significance but somehow this Christmas, it hit me in a way I didn't realise before.

For this Christmas, I decided to go wholesale and baked stuff for 85% of my family and friends cos it's faster and more personal, I guess. Didn't realise that a simple cake/brownie could make someone's day more than I thought :)

Well, as for the downside of Christmas, I felt that I was not spending enough time with my family and I know that mum is kinda upset about that, especially the Christmas shopping part. 'Know my aunties are also kinda disappointed with me about some stuff but it's not as if I can help it. I really tried and even talked to God about it and stuff but sometimes it's good that you don't add any additional pressure. It'll only result in the reverse effect. Nevertheless, I'm glad that the Christmas party sorta gave us a neutral ground to start all over again and stuff...

Besides family, I felt that I have not been fair to some of my friends with regards to spending more time with them and stuff due to my other activities and I'm feeling guilty all over again. Dhab, you're seriously one of the most generous friends I've ever met and your selflessness always makes me feel bad. The treat at Seoul Garden's on us, ok? Besides Dhab, there are many others whom I felt I could have met up with more often. I can even see the names running through my mind now :(

Anyway, bidding starts tomorrow and I'm really dreading it. It's as if we are voluntarily signing up for another 5 months of torture (not to mention, competing with others to secure our most desired suffering) and if we make a mistake in bidding for an inappropriate module (our channel of suffering), we'll endure additional bouts of pain. Sounds theatrically angsty right? But I'm not kidding - I've never detested going back to school so much in my life. At least you can look forward to seeing old, familiar and mostly friendly faces in pri/sec school and JC but uni's seriously different. Everyone seems superficial and too "mature" to break out of their superior, intellectual mould (whether genuine or not) such that you can really get a glimpse of who they really were before entering uni and stuff.

Anyway, truth be told, I'm not sure why I keep having this urge to stay away from the house as much as possible and delay my return trips home. Maybe I do know why and am in self-denial but I just hope things will be clearer soon. God, I need you now more than ever before...

"it's been a long time"

Gathering with the primary school clique. Thought it was gonna be quite awkward at first but then it turned out rather well! One good thing about meeting up with friends that date back to as early as Primary School is that you know how/what the person was like -funny quirks, childish acts and all- before he/she becomes who they are now: individuals whose characters are constantly shaped by the people and environment around them. All 3 have obviously changed over the years but I'm quite glad that certain traits still remain. Hui Yun's mannerisms were more or less the same, Ashley's still as quiet and reserved and Moses is like a boy stuck in a man's body! I think the phrase "same old brand new you" aptly describes how I felt when I first saw them...heh heh :D


It was really refreshing to see them again, quite a nice break from current events and I seriously miss all of them, or rather, I miss those days when things were much more simpler and life was more carefree. Of course, there are certain things which I would prefer not to repeat all over again, but then such things do happen. The only thing that matters is how you respond and learn from them.

Anyway, serious stuff aside, it's quite scary to see them all shooting up like tao gay man! First time in my life when I'm actually the shortest amongst my friends, not that I'm very tall already but then I'm always "of average height!"

Still feeling a little guilty that I have not done some things yet...sometimes I think I should not make any promises at all...

Josh Groban: 60th Annual Emmy Awards

WOOHOOO! JOSH GROBAN AS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE! I like the Southpark imitation! :D

AHH! Can't believe I found it but thanks to "Josh Groban Lovers" from Facebook, I stumbled unto (guess what) Mr Groban's very own, personal blog! OK, I know this sounds stupid and very fan-like but it kinda feels like he's talking straight to me! OoOo! :D:D

AND of course I'm not forgetting him, especially after hearing him serenade to Ai Ping and me at East Coast Park today, so he'll definitely be there under my links! He's still ZE Best of ZE Best !

Speaking of Josh Groban, I remembered one night when I was very in the mood to listen to him so I played his CD and sang myself to sleep when suddenly my Dad walked into the room and told Josh to quieten down cos it's "so late and he shouldn't be singing too loudly." You can't imagine how sad Josh felt (heh heh. OK, a lil' fan obssession here).

Hmm...other than that, I had a great time today, just spending time and chilling out. But I'm quite glad that the fitness plan is working! (All thanks to Duc and Zhiyi!) They've been great motivators and we've started meeting up to jog and stuff. Hope this continues though and by the way, I'm not a fitness nut/freak/guru/buff just because I'm jogging on a regular basis but I feel "fat, corpulent and oily" nowadays...heh heh...just be glad that I'm not doing the whole slimming-by-dieting-and-then-bingeing-later-on thing. I still eat my regular meals and on top of that, I'm not forgetting the daily dose of Chocolate ice-cream so, good news for people who want to stay slim and who love to indulge in food at the same time: just jog, it really works!

Last week was Ana's birthday...and honestly speaking, I've never had so much fun in a looong while! Really felt like myself that day...if you know what I mean..haha...


Jacinth joined us at night at Ikea for dinner...

Anyway, can't believe that it has been one week since exams ended. Felt like it has become some distant figment of my past now.

Holidays have been enjoyable as usual but these feel days I've been feeling rather guilty actually, especially for the fact that I didn't go for my aunt's charity event (which I cancelled last minute). Hmm,I know it's quite unfair if I start justifying myself 'cos I'm really in the wrong here but I just didn't feel like going.

Sigh..anyways, didn't know that the feeling of guilt could be so overwhelming. It isn't just about my aunt's event but many other things. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be treating ___ the way I am treating him/her now. Can't help but say it out 'cos it's been on my mind for some time.


Anyway, I'll just stick to enjoying my holiday as much as I can...

My Wedding

HAHA. I wish. Not so soon (and maybe not ever) anyway...but my aunt gave me this bridal bouquet from her friend's wedding. I thought she caught the bouquet but turns out that the bride was so busy that she forgot to throw the bouquet. So she gave it to the bridesmaid (my aunt) instead.


Anyway, I'm soooooo happy (and relieved) that exams are over and HOLIDAYS are here! Christmas is in the air! :D

Previously, I didn't understand why everyone was already into the Christmas spirit cos I didn't really feel it until my exams were over. I got all revved up when my mum and her sisters started bursting out into Christmas carols and planning for the family Christmas party after dinner last night. Really hope that they will carry out what they have been discussing cos it seems like nobody wants to take the lead and be the coordinator.

Anyway, thank God that exams are over, seriously! I mean, it's quite hard to come up with a decent essay in the span of 2 hours, compared to JC days where one can churn essays in the short timespan of an hour. It kinda seems impossible now; it's like asking me to start a rusty engine.

One thing I learnt from the exams: never clump 2 examinable modules in 1 day. Initially, I did that cos I thought it was like O and A Levels. 2 papers, write a bit more in 1 day and it won't kill you, and you're done! But I was so wrong! The rigour is more than that, plus the memory work...

Anyway, I achieved a remarkable first for my exams on the first day, which was Psychology paper. I arrived 5-10 minutes late. Plus, I was in such a hurry getting my pencil case and whatnot that I forgot my matric card when I rushed to my seat which was 394857km far from where my bag was so, I had to "Amazing Race" all the way back when the invigilator told me to get it in the middle of exams. Thank God I managed to not only finish my paper in time but I could actually check through everything again. And I find it pretty amusing that the first question for my short-answer question was " Why do we have 2 eyes?" XD

Anyway, what's done is done. I can only pray that I'll do reasonably well, especially for Bio. I'll just settle with materialising my post-exam plans, of which I have been dreaming about for a long time. Actually, most of them are plans that have been carried forward from the previous holiday, which I have either not got the chance to bring it to fruition, or I just can't get enough of it. So, I'm planning on scouring for interesting recipes in the hopes of bringing new food items on our boring, "all-you-can-see-is-takeaway-food" dinner table. Other than that, I wanna read! I wanna exercise and shed some pounds! I (have to) get Christmas presents! Meet up with friends! Spend time with family! Watch more movies!

Busy eh? OK, probably not as bad as other people but I hope that this holiday will be more fruitful than my past 8 months of idling before Uni started, not that it was pure idling but it felt like I was hit by one whole wave of activities then. Hopefully, this Christmas would be more meaningful too.

God, please lengthen the holidays so that January 11th would not come so soon!