Arghh...can't believe holidays are almost coming to an end. Seems like the days after exam were just a myriad of activities: shopping, going out, meeting up,exercising,etc...
I have to say that this Christmas was one of the busiest Christmases I've ever had for the whole 19 years of my life. I didn't realise that being involved in the youth Christmas event for church could take up such a substantial amount of time even though my role was quite minor (At this point, I really salute the Pastors and church people for always giving their 101% to the events to make it a memorable one!).
I think I'm feeling the after effects of Christmas already: physical and mental burnout, a deep gaping hole in my pocket, not to mention the fact that I can feel a slight fever building up.
Hmmm...should really start taking care of myself cos I've been pushing my physical and mental faculties way past the limit but come to think of it,I have no regrets. Sounds cliche but I realised that giving is indeed better than receiving. Up to now, I didn't really understand its significance but somehow this Christmas, it hit me in a way I didn't realise before.
For this Christmas, I decided to go wholesale and baked stuff for 85% of my family and friends cos it's faster and more personal, I guess. Didn't realise that a simple cake/brownie could make someone's day more than I thought :)
Well, as for the downside of Christmas, I felt that I was not spending enough time with my family and I know that mum is kinda upset about that, especially the Christmas shopping part. 'Know my aunties are also kinda disappointed with me about some stuff but it's not as if I can help it. I really tried and even talked to God about it and stuff but sometimes it's good that you don't add any additional pressure. It'll only result in the reverse effect. Nevertheless, I'm glad that the Christmas party sorta gave us a neutral ground to start all over again and stuff...
Besides family, I felt that I have not been fair to some of my friends with regards to spending more time with them and stuff due to my other activities and I'm feeling guilty all over again. Dhab, you're seriously one of the most generous friends I've ever met and your selflessness always makes me feel bad. The treat at Seoul Garden's on us, ok? Besides Dhab, there are many others whom I felt I could have met up with more often. I can even see the names running through my mind now :(
Anyway, bidding starts tomorrow and I'm really dreading it. It's as if we are voluntarily signing up for another 5 months of torture (not to mention, competing with others to secure our most desired suffering) and if we make a mistake in bidding for an inappropriate module (our channel of suffering), we'll endure additional bouts of pain. Sounds theatrically angsty right? But I'm not kidding - I've never detested going back to school so much in my life. At least you can look forward to seeing old, familiar and mostly friendly faces in pri/sec school and JC but uni's seriously different. Everyone seems superficial and too "mature" to break out of their superior, intellectual mould (whether genuine or not) such that you can really get a glimpse of who they really were before entering uni and stuff.
Anyway, truth be told, I'm not sure why I keep having this urge to stay away from the house as much as possible and delay my return trips home. Maybe I do know why and am in self-denial but I just hope things will be clearer soon. God, I need you now more than ever before...
