I'm back to blogging again!
Hmm...it's always hard to start blogging again after abstaining from it for so long. Actually, it's more of procrastination that's been keeping me from doing it besides the fact that I've been busy but after reading Joan and Cui's blogs and their honest reflection and musings about stuff, I finally decided to pen down some thoughts which I've been having on my part.
As you all know (well, at least those who are still visiting my blog occasionally), I've been spending time with Chris (hmm..feels weird to call him that now) ever since we got together and it's been a ride. For starters, I'm beginning to understand the issues which I once thought would be easy to resolve when I was single and when I hear the problems (similar ones as mine) being told to me by my friends who are attached. We aren't as free to make decisions as it seems compared to independent, single life.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining now that I'm with Chris and all. He's been more than nice to me and I love and cherish him and thank God for him. It's just that I didn't expect that I would have to get used to living a "double life" like what Michelle termed it. Not in terms of double standards but with regards to decision-making. I have to factor chichi (yeah, that's what I call him) into the decisions I make now (eg. Do we have plans on that day? Will he like what I'm doing? etc etc). I've been so accustomed to planning my day and the activities around myself, you see.
Maybe it's just me. I've always imagined relationships to work in mushy, romantic ways; that everything will eventually work out once both parties come to an understanding with each other but now that I'm in one, it's becoming more like a reality check (hmmm..I'm making it sound like there are problems in my relationship now but don't worry, we're very much in love :) )
Ultimately, one thing I hope would be that my core self (the idiosyncracies that makes me who I am) would remain and that I'll still be the same, old me. Of course there'll be certain areas that will change for sure (eg. who knows, maybe I will become more feminine or whatever that happens when one gets into a relationship) but essentially, I hope that both of us will still retain an independent part of ourselves, one that our friends will still recognise and associate us being uniquely us with, while living our life (and making decisions with) as a couple. It all comes down to striking a balance in whatever we do.
As for changing for the better, now that I'm with chichi, I realised that there are stuff about myself that I'm unaware about (which he's been pointing out). It's stuff that friends wouldn't dare to tell me directly or stuff that might seem too trivial to be brought out on the table for correction, but they might be things that might leave an unfavourable lasting impression.
Well, if it feels like a depressing post for someone who just got attached, I'm just being honest here :/
For now, I'm just glad that we're being open and honest to each other, telling the other party when we're not happy with a certain issue, etc...and I hope it will last even after the "honeymoon period" is over. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that chichi is experienced in such stuff enough to know that we have to regulate our feelings from time to time and come back to earth once in a while...
And ultimately, I hope (and I know he stands with me on this point) that our relationship will be God-centred and that our walk with Him will not waver now that we have each other (especially at this stage).
Please keep us in prayer :)
