straight from the horse's mouth...

I've never understood the power of Prayer and how it could impact me so deeply until tonight. Like everyone else at some point of their life, I was quite sceptical about Prayer. (In case you do not already know, Christians are humans too and are equally susceptible to making mistakes just like anyone else).

I do pray but occasionally, I'll have my doubts. Sometimes I get frustrated when I feel that nothing seems to be happening, or when Prayer seems like a one-way conversation and it feels like I'm talking to myself, but in this world where instant gratification becomes almost second nature, the notion of patience as a virtue becomes quite undervalued.

My thoughts are a little jumbled now but what I'm trying to say is this: When it comes to talking to God, it is the only time when you can really be your true self, where all the facades, the superficiality and the pride you parade in front of others (in order to gain their acceptance) gets stripped away, layer by layer, as you realise that there's nothing to hide in His presence cos He knows everything. You can really unload and tell Him everything in a way that you might not be able to with others (how you feel or felt about certain things, etc...). Sometimes, in the process, He will show you hints of what you should be doing/how you should be facing your problem instead. And the more you talk to Him and present to Him your version of things that happened, you gradually realise the loophole(s) which you might have overlooked before.

Prayer is like a tete-a-tete with God. As there is no pressure/interrogation from people that might instigate you to be defensive (and justifying your actions with whatever excuses you can come up with, at that point, to counter the verbal tirade), you start to gain perspective on where you have erred (if you're praying about a problem, that is).

You might be sceptical about Prayer but you never know, until you are actually in that situation where there seems to be no way out. Maybe it might help if you see it as a way of preventing yourself from wallowing in the mire of self-pity, when you actively seek to find solutions to your problem(s) instead.

You might also question why He doesn't answer your prayer(s) but then again, we must remember that God knows us better than we know ourselves. Our immaturity/lack of foresight might lead us to pray for things that are not appropriate to have at that point of time. Sometimes, He knows that you might be better off not having the thing you requested for,and it's only in the future when you look back again and realise that it is actually a blessing in disguise.

Then again, you might be doubting God due to Christians you have met, who do not seem to be walking the talk and exemplifying what they believe in, but remember that they are just like any individual, equally as vulnerable if they are not careful. In fact, God is aware of this irony when He says that "These people draw near to Me with their mouth, and honour Me with their lips, but their heart is far from Me." (Matthew 15:8-9).

Anyway, one thing's for sure: I think most of you will definitely agree that you cannot depend on your friends all the time, no matter how strong the friendship is, for they will surely fail you at some point. At these times, remember that God is always there when you're feeling your most vulnerable and when everything seems so bleak that it starts to overwhelm you to the extent that you start to lose hope in everything.

Remember that He is always willing to listen to whatever you have to say, even though you might feel that there is no weight in your words. If He can carry the weight of the world on His shoulders, then there really is no problem too big that He cannot solve.

I know that I'm the last person on earth to have the right to gush about the wonders of prayer but maybe by typing this out, it will serve as a reminder to seek Him instead of constantly looking to the left and right for answers all the time.

the week, of a nutcase, in a nutshell

YAY! I'M SO HAPPY HAPPY HAPPAYYEEE! :D

I've been on an adrenaline high (the unpleasant kind, mind you) for the past week due to the extra lectures to makeup for public holidays, Japanese Studies Project, the 2 French tests (which was so-so even though I felt that I could have done better for Oral), and the stooopid Stats Project, which not only caused a lack of sleep but significant hair loss (I could seriously see the increasing number of stray hairs on my shirt!). I'm not gonna see another "Gender and Book-carrying behaviour" experiment for good. The words are still swirling in my head man...

It felt as if my brain had to be on "thinking-mode" for the whole week, even though this should be the case, assuming that we should be "thinking" when we're in school but somehow, it made me think of a PC on hibernating mode with programs running in the background. And also, my right eye keeps twitching at random periods of the day for no particular reason...

Hmm..much as I'm relieved that this week is over, and Semester 2 finally coming to a close (save for exams), my behaviour this week was a little annoying, even to myself. I was more irritable than usual and got upset over the most trivial things and relapsed into the "in-your-face" kinda anti-social behaviour. Reminds me of one of the previous blog entries where I complained about my disgusting attitude too...hope this won't be a vicious cycle...

Anyway, I'm really grateful for my friends and the people around me who were very understanding and encouraging throughout the week. And I really have to thank God for Sarah, and subsequently Sylvia, who intervened at the right moment and assisting me with my Stats report. (At that time, I felt really helpless that I could not even identify the appropriate Statistics to run for my dataset that I asked God to find someone who would help me out. Turned out that the person He sent could not only provide much-needed help, but she took 3 out of the 4 modules I'm currently taking, coincidental or what?). On top of helping with the report, Sarah even gave me clues for the French tests, which she sat for earlier, which was really nice of her. Made me ponder about the "dog-eat-dog world" issue all over again...

Well, exams officially commences in 2 weeks' time and this week has really knocked some sense into me. However, I can feel myself getting more and more nonchalant about my academic state, which is quite worrying since exams are around the corner and the stuff I know about my 3 modules are insufficient to warrant a good grade. Sometimes I think I deserve to learn things the hard way man...

Besides that, this week was a rather eventful one. Tampines One is my new fave hangout cos Duc and I kept checking out the queue for Uniqlo (and wondering when we could ever go in, even though I kept suggesting that Plan B would have worked if we tried...haha!). Also, Sab and Maib went to g12 last Wednesday (so pai seh cos I was late that day when usually I would have so much time to kill!) and today was the ultimate cos I was out the whole day: school in the morning, lunch at Amoy, Tampines One (yet again), youth service, supper...

Found out that I was scheduled for Ladies' Basketball for the upcoming season. Wonder if I will survive the season, or even participate in it at all, cos Basketball is really no joke man. More scratches, more running, even though more pounds will be shed...

Arghh,really cannot take it anymore...that's all for now. Auditions tomorrow. Hope I've not made any decision that would cause me regret later on. Wish me luck! :D