Woke up at 2 today, can feel the biological clock phase-delaying already...

Devotion today reminded me of how great God is. I know this sounds like the typical, everyday Christian exhortation but it's really just amazing how one can love the unloved,or even people who persecuted and betrayed you in the blink of an eye. To me it's just absurd: imagine someone you love and care for (or even your arch enemy) boxes you, out of the blue, and all you do is stand there waiting for another punch and not retaliating.
And despite that He loves us so much that we can't even comprehend the depths of His love. The ODB phrases it as such:"Someone who loves us with a devotedness that is a mystery how we as sinners ever deserved it" and that "His love is wide, long, deep, and high and exceeds our knowledge (Ephesians 3:18-19)."

Loving someone is already tough by itself and I'm not even talking about people you dislike. That's where you get family/sibling conflict (mine manifests itself mostly as cold war actually, not the deep-heated verbal argument type,haha)and maybe sometimes even among friends. Hence it shouldn't be surprising that the cell group gave such practical answers when asked what love means to them a few weeks ago.
If love was really that easy, there wouldn't be marital conflict and the escalating number of divorce rates to match.

That is why, coming back to God's love again, His love would never fail us, like it or not, and that is another reason why I don't think backsliding is an option (not that I'm planning to) cos even if you deny/escape from God, He'll always be there. It's like sometimes you wanna run away from your family (just giving an example), and be free from their complaints and repulsive habits but ultimately, they'll still be there.

Speaking about family, I'm reminded of my mom. My aunts were asking me to coax mom to travel to Shanghai with them next month with my grandparents cos my mom refuses to go, and her reason was that she has to wake Maib up for school (!!!). I told mom that Maib can jolly well wake up on her own, using her 3 alarm clocks (yes, she literally has 3) and since she can do that on Saturdays for netball training, I don't see why it's different for weekdays.
Sometimes I feel mom should just take a break and stop worrying so much about us. In fact, she's being too selfless already and I hope we won't take it for granted. She should go and enjoy herself for once! Tell me what can I do to convince her?!

There was once I ask her what would she do if housework didn't exist in the world at all; she gave me a blank stare. And that is the reason why I'm always plagued with the Mothers' Day Dilemma: she's easily contented, yet practical and demanding at the same time. Jewelry, fluffy ornaments and trinkets wouldn't work for her, even flowers (In her own words: "what's the use of getting flowers when they'll die anyway?"). I can't even bake for her 'cos she doesn't fancy Western foodstuff and if I get books, she'll retort that it's a waste of money as she borrows from the library weekly. How,how,how?!

Haha, I digressed again. Just saw a picture of Jumbo restaurant's Deep Fried Beancurd Special on my desk and it's enough to prime me to rummage in my refrigerator for brunch now...'till then!

Day 3 of much-awaited holiday period is here!

Woke up at half past 1 but it turned out to be a productive day... Packed the whole wardrobe, cleared out unwanted clothes and bags. Packed the bookshelves after that (there's more space for new novels now! so excited!). Guess what, I'm so proud of my bro today - he voluntarily (yes, on his own initiative) packed Daddy's messy pig sty of a study area and tidied the whole computer area! 'think he got up on the wrong side of the bed today. My sis caught the spring cleaning bug too and packed her study table. Mom was pleasantly surprised and she was one happy mom today (she even gave up her precious bath time slot just to let me bathe first, without complaining! haha!)
I think housework gives you an endorphin-high. I was finding more things to do after packing so I mopped the floor and cleared and packed my study table (looks like I packed my whole room today). 'Was dancing to Britney Spears' Circus while mopping. And bro gave me his speakers for my ipod, woohoo! Whatever drug he's on, he should take it more often..haha..

Managed to watch The Bounty Hunter and also Ghajini (the Hindi film) last night, the plot for the latter didn't meet expectations, it was quite fragmented, although it was quite hilarious that they can insert their famous dance numbers at any point of the storyline. Ghajini's based on the American film Memento, although it didn't do as well as the American version though. And Guzarish and Kaise Mujhe wasn't featured in any of the song numbers! Disappointed! :(

The American soldiers based in Afghanistan who did the remake of Lady Gaga's Telephone made my day man! Feel quite sad for them though, hope they can go home and be reunited with their families soon.

Love holidays so much but I predict all this excitement will dwindle in a months' time.

endless, random mutterings...mutter,mutter,mutter...

I'm back! :D Not that anyone actually bothers since I think readership for this blog is close to zilch now (the only person I know who's still following would be LY,haha!) Pardon me for my writing skills, the phrasing in this post seems fragmented and odd but the thoughts in my head are flowing so quickly such that it cannot be translated fast enough to be typed out as coherently as I would like it to be.

Anyway, it's the 3-month break again and I will try my very best to make it as meaningful and purposeful, and of course as enjoyable as possible. I've been looking forward to this day for a long time. Workload for this semester is really crazy and if not for God, some of the church people, and not to mention a few noteworthy friends, my sanity level is still intact.

Looking back on exams, I think it was pretty OK and I'm hoping that I can see a few As this time (apologise for all the academic talk again but I'd rather rant and rave all I want here - where (I think)nobody actually reads, than complain incessantly to everyone around me about how tough school is). Sometimes I wonder why do I get so easily stressed up with school and why can't I take it easy for once. Actually, come to think of it, I think I've cut some slack upon entering uni, primarily cos the motivation to study is dwindling.

Anyway, talking about school makes me sick.

Today was great compared to the past few days. I woke up earlier than usual (10am - although still late by the standards of most people) and actually I had a bout of insomnia last night but it was worse - I was very tired but I couldn't sleep - and that's like the worse feeling to me, it's like you're contradicting yourself. Maybe it was due to the effect of the Teh Tarik I had after church,or maybe it's due to the euphoric high of post exams. Nevertheless, today was great, didn't feel as stressed, the pile of books and notes on my table's gone and I got 2 dresses from Far East! :D (although sadly it's formal wear again, it's rare to find nice informal dresses that will catch my eye!)

Will try my bestest to find motivation to look for a job (I need income for travelling!!) I've been forming travel plans in my head since ages ago (to Bangkok, Bali, Australia, even JB) but I have a feeling it might never happen. Arghh...might be a good thing though, more time to expand my reserves and plan for a better trip.

Hmm,not sure if I should say this but I've been having this underlying thought for a month. As much as I've been studying about people and behaviour (with psych and all), the complexities of us humans are just too overwhelming to be captured adequately in a couple of textbooks and studies. Therefore, it's never surprising to find an article investigating a certain behaviour being disputed and contradicted by another finding. We are such a complex and contradictory species. If we were the antithesis of my previous sentence, problems in the world might be lesser (but on second thought, I wonder if the world would be a better place without problems).

The reason which I brought this up was partly cos of the fact that I hate it when some people can be nice at one moment, only to have them judging you in the blink of an eye, especially when you have sorta convinced yourself, defended their case in your head, and rendered them as a "nice person." Don't get me wrong, it's only human nature to judge people (I'm "unconsciously" guilty of that too, sad to say) but I think it's rather disturbing for them to show it explicitly and think that I won't realise what's going through their minds. I may be wrong at times but so far, my intuition has been rather spot-on (which can be bad at times). Sometimes, the problem doesn't even concern them, and I think they have no right to clamp me down with rhetoric on how I should live my life and the choices I make. I will claim responsibility for any mistakes I make (though they might be costly ones), thank you very much for your unnecessary concern. Repress something and it will come back stronger than ever.

And it's quite sad that sometimes these vibes come from the people closest to you, those that you trust will understand why/how you're feeling like that, or behaving this way.

On another note, ever felt like you worked hard for something persistently for years but that effort fails to yield results, or maybe the outcome doesn't match what you expect it to be?

Most of the time, I am more or less satisfied with whatever I get, after reflecting on the amount of effort put in and the actual outcome. I know,deep down,that when I am determined to get something, I would go all out to achieve it and really work my ass off, that's how I am, but it doesn't seem to be happening for this thing in particular and I'm upset (quite an understatement actually).
Anyway, I've been trying to forget it and get back into a normal state of mind, return to the ebb and flow of what should be the life I'm leading but I can't help it and it's pathetic. But to be fair to myself, I think I've made improvement over the years (in terms of self-regulation) and that itself is a feat, considering how emotional I can be. A probable reason why this thing keeps bugging me is cos every time I feel like giving up/actually gave up, it comes back (unknowingly) to reclaim its position again, as if it knows that I have given up on it, staking its royal territory in my mind again. I feel like one of the rats in Skinner's experiments on a random reinforcement schedule man....when will this vicious cycle end?! It's just so frustrating,waiting and guessing...

OK enough for now. Sundown's coming and I have yet to start my jogging regime. Why,why,why did I not learn my lesson and sign up for it again after AHM?!?! 'Been telling myself that I'll do it just to get the shirt,haha!

muse - undisclosed desires - live in singapore

although we had to wait 3 freaking hours for MUSE to finally come onstage (and I hold the organisers responsible for it!), the wait was worth it! you have NO IDEA how awesome it was!! Really had such a great time (we were jumping and shouting and shrieking at the top of my lungs tt i almost pee-ed in my pants! And the memories are still replaying over and over again in my mind! The 148 bucks was so WORTH IT!!!! Absolutely LOVEEEED Matt Bellamy's customised 10k+ guitars (Yes, the guitars he used tt night were modified, and one was a keyboard-cum-guitar!).

So far so good.

Hongkong trip was fun (as I have been harping on about) Wish I could stay in Macau longer though. Where to next? With every travel, comes a new experience and inevitably lessons to be learnt. The next trip will be a better-planned one, in all aspects of the word :D

I'm doing my 6-module stint this sem, comprising of 5 psych mods (Cognitive Psych, Bio Psych, Adolescent Psych, Health Psych and Stats II) and as mentioned before the lit mod, Romanticism. Started my readings earlier compared to last sem in the hopes of being ahead of the lecturer (trust me, it is necessary given my current state and context AND environment). Also cos I wanna be consistent. The fact that I'm taking six modules really leaves me feeling unsettled and despite me being on the ball in terms of preparatory work, I still feel stressed occasionally (ok, another understatement) whenever I think about my workload and my CAP score.

But my spirits were slightly uplifted today when I heard that a friend of mine (who is taking the same course as me in the same school) is in the same predicament as me. Not that I'm rejoicing about the fact that she's not doing well but that she said that the reason why we might not be doing as well as we hoped was partly due to the fact that our course is very highly-subscribed in the faculty and that would influence the bell-shape curve considerably. And in comparison, she did very well for one of her Soci modules when she didn't even study for it as hard as she did for Psych.
Of course, this justification shouldn't give me reason to slack but it sorta ups my self-confidence a lil' (given the downward spiral it seems to be heading due to my academic status). As such, it'll be full steam ahead for me already: gone will be the days when I wake up during lunchtime and I made a promise to myself to cut down on online-time.

Lit lecturer this sem is really nice, very bubbly and chatty. She's really passionate about lit to the extent that she can quote whole lines from Shakespeare's sonnets and that from obscure writers. It's like everything is there at her fingertips! And she's gonna bring us to watch "Bright Star" which is gonna be out in cinemas soon and she's gonna treat us (read: all the students taking this module) to popcorn and drinks, how nice can a lecturer get? XD

Since we're on the topic of lit, I've been thinking about one of the poems by Wordsworth which we did in class recently. Usually, I tend to prefer prose more than poetry, when it comes to lit, cos I feel that I wouldn't really need to second-guess what the protagonists/persona(s) is thinking/feeling but I really liked Wordsworth's choice of words for this particular poem (quite a well-known one actually) and the imagery it conjures.

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze.

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the milky way,
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay:
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
Out-did the sparkling leaves in glee;
A poet could not be but gay,
In such a jocund company!
I gazed—and gazed—but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought:

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.


I like the way he could use simple words to conjure up powerful images and make the ordinary (daffodils) extraordinary, which links to the point about how powerful the mind really is and how perspective really plays a strong role in influencing our subjective response to an object/situation, or even a person. Reading the poem again really makes me feel happy, for some reason..heh heh...


HAVE A GOOD WEEK, FOLKS! :D

Penultimate day to Year 2010

Christmas is over! Finally, a breather from all the activities and preparations of various sorts. Somehow, the joy of Christmas seems to be diminishing with each passing year as it becomes more commercialised and I certainly hope that its meaning will not, similarly, lose its value.

2009 is drawing to a close! Started reading my past blog entries from January onwards to recall what I've been up to this year cos 2009 has been a year where I would say I have been facing each day as it comes and as such, it has been a blur of events, gatherings and stuff. Some events which happened this year seemed like it happened light years ago!

Anyway, I realised that entries relating to my academic year in 2009 had a common theme with regards to me losing the drive to study. Maybe it's Study Fatigue (after almost 14 years of studying). Other than that, Bidding is (and will continue to be) a recurrent blurb as long as I stay in NUS. Talking about that, bidding started today and I'm quite thankful that I already have 3 modules from MPE: Cognitive Psych, Bio Pysch and Stats II (time to face up to my fears). I'm hoping that I get to do my 6th-module quest this semester, keeping my fingers crossed that "Romanticism" will still have vacancies in Round 3A...


And I'm glad that I sorta achieved my resolution for Year 2009 of keeping fit. Actually, I think I did more than what I thought I would, which is jogging for at least once a week. I've almost made up my mind to join Sundown 2010 in the 21km category, in hopes of improving my timing compared to the Army Half-Marathon but it will mean having to spend at least another 60 bucks, (after burning a deep hole in my pocket due to HK trip, MUSE concert, and a play)...worth it?

Accompanied my grandfather to the Diabetic centre yesterday, didn't expect it to be as long as 5 hours! It's quite painful to see Ye Ye having to take injection after injection, not to mention many blood tests to monitor his blood sugar level (and even more painful to see the expression on his face) while at it. He already has so many medications it looks like we were doing grocery shopping at the pharmacy (and I've not even taken into account the medication he has at home). And I don't really like the patronising tone the nurse uses on Ye Ye, I just hope that they would not take advantage of my grandparents and get more out of them financially just because they are clueless of the proceedings...

On a lighter note, I love Avatar 3D! It proved myself wrong with regards to movies with aliens and blue people but the human-alien interaction at the end was a lil' wrong. It's quite amazing that James Cameron had the vision to recreate another language so many years back, even before LOTR came about. Movie was great as a whole but I felt that the 3D part could do with a little more interaction with the viewers. Watching "The Fourth Kind" next! (Still waiting patiently for "Alice in Wonderland" and "Dorian Gray" to be out).

6 more days to HK trip! Have to start coming up with the travel list and the accompanying hassle that one has to go through before a vacation. I'm happy that the trip is finally materialising as I'm finally able to leave Singapore but it's a downer to realise that once I'm back, school starts in 2 days' time =.=

Anyway, my resolution for Year 2010 is quite simple: to prioritise and manage my time wisely, spend more time with my grandparents and to study hard (and smart), all this to be done according to God's will and direction.

"We don't pray and read the Bible to get a perfect, trouble-free life. Pursuing God is not cause and effect. The pursuit of godliness will not exempt us from trouble (2 Timothy 3:12) . . . [but it] will help us face what comes our way. . ." -ODB

Punjabi Happy Nickmas

It's that time of the year again, and here's a unique (and refreshing) take on christmas! XD

Happy Holidays everyone! :D