04 December, 2009

all hell breaks loose

YESSSSS!! I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT FOR A LONG TIME! EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVERRRRR!!!! :D

'Was feeling quite distracted the previous day 'cos the thought of today being the last day of my exams was quite overwhelming. Having said that, I'm quite thankful that today's paper was manageable (partly cos it was an open book) but at least I managed to structure the essay reasonably well, thank God! :D As for the rest of the papers, I'm quite apprehensive about developmental and abnormal psych but I'm just gonna have faith and hope for the best...

Having said that, I'm typing this right now with a newfound ferocity cos it's been awhile since I hit the keys of my laptop due to my self-imposed exile, mainly of going on msn and facebook-the 2 greatest vices so far, even turning on my laptop. Another reason was cos I didn't want to get affected by things which I see online that will lead to a whole flood of irrational, unnecessary emotions, which might affect the exams so...I'll save that for post-exams (which is now- yeah I know,I'm a highly-emotional being at times).

Had steamboat and watched Couples' Retreat with Sarah and Ryan immediately after the paper (we planned for it even before exams started!). Can't wait to carry out my list of post-exam activities, especially since the month of December has finally arrived. Time seriously zooms by like nobody's business. The memory of going over to Yireng's place to knit the Mario costumes is still fresh in my mind! Thinking of that makes me inevitably think about what we're gonna wear for this year's Black & White Christmas and thankfully the costume is easier to assemble, thanks to Virnice! XD

Anyway, the month of December is always a busy one. There are so many things on my mind right now, so many things to do and settle that I think I have to list them down just so I'll not overlook anything, in no order of merit (quite an exhaustive and personal list so skip that if you have to):

1. I have to go Christmas-shopping, think of birthday presents (this will keep me occupied for quite a bit)
2. do the module preference exercise and planning for the bidding for next semester (!!!)
3. visit the grandparents (really have to! They were so excited about their newly-renovated house)
4. resume my running routine, shed off those exam-accummulated love handles (ZY, I'm free already!)
5. meet Cui (very important!)
6. check the specifics for the MUSE concert (can't believe I'm going for it and with LY too!)

7. movies with a few people esp Trina (2012! Those who have watched so far loved it!)
8. striking off items from my personal online movie and booklists (which is quite impossible to achieve in the short span of 1 month)
9. upload photos from camera and phone
10. Is Christmas carolling still on? (hmmm...)
11. mini project still on? (ha ha)
12. almost forgot! Renew passport! Take photo! :S
13. anyone keen to watch Chicago:the musical next year? XD
14. think of a resolution for the HK trip (and fast)

Hmm...frankly speaking, I really hope my excitement of Christmas won't be dampened by all the shopping and present-wrapping and stuff cos all this should not overshadow the fact that it's supposed to be a day for Jesus and for remembering the reason of why Christmas exists in the first place...

On another note, December leads me to ponder about Year 2009 as a whole. In comparison with the previous year, I'm very sure that this year was a more exciting, memorable and spontaneous one: tried quite a few things which I would not have normally done, challenged myself to go all out and overcome my fears, re-prioritised stuff, changing my modus operandi especially in the area of academics (partly due to me putting my trust in God and not worrying excessively), the works...As such, it seems like a year of self-discovery, about knowing exactly my strengths and weaknesses and coming to terms with certain stuff about myself. Of course, this is a neverending process but I have to say that certain stuff became clearer and better evaluated this year.
Nevertheless, it was also bittersweet: like what Salman Rushdie mentioned in Midnight's Children, with every ladder there's a snake.With every gain there is a loss and so it comes as no surprise that by knowing and being involved with more people, there will be more problems(not to mention the hurts that are attached to them). I'm not saying that people are a pain in the butt, neither am I appealing for your sympathy. I think this will inevitably be something which everyone will experience at a point in their lives, just that it has become more apparent to me lately (took me this long to realise yeah). Having said that, the gains more than made up for the losses (probably a reason why the disappointment hit hard big time cos they were people dear to me). Then again, I have to be fair to the small but close group of friends who supported me at the right moments and who understood my take on things, and for not judging me based on them (something which I HIGHLY regard cos it's not an easy feat).
Think I've said more than I intended. Anyway, in summary, Year 2009 has revealed many issues about people and how complex people can be to the point that certain cases are still an enigma to me now that I think about them (sheesh, seems like I'm reading my life like a lit book now. I've gotta stop.

Enjoy the remaining 29 days, people!

14 November, 2009

" Remember those earlier days after you have received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult and persecution;at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathised with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions.

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised . . . we are not those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved. "

[Hebrews 10:32-39]

08 October, 2009

not again....

It's been a long time....actually, I was tempted to blog on a few occasions but I decided otherwise. Anyway, I'll be extremely tied up this month and I'm starting to feel its effects already. Think it was due to all the late nights with the church people that made me weary and all (of course I don't blame them, it's me and my lack of proper time management).

I think I'm experiencing some sorta an emotional overload these few weeks. There have been enjoyable times and of course, the disappointing/hurting moments that only myself and a few others are aware about. Recently, I've learnt a lot and came to a lot of conclusions about people through my quiet moments of observation and analysing: how they act and behave in different situations and they're unexpected actions subsequently (in general, in case you're wondering). It's like Social Psych coming alive again - a "sadistic" kind of field trip that I've undertaken on my own accord.
As I reflect on what happened recently and how I dealt/manage those moments, I realised that I've become more resistant and, to a certain extent stronger (in terms of handling situations and coming to terms with it). Sometimes, it becomes so extreme that I know that there are times when I feel like crying but I tell myself that it wouldn't solve the problem and that the sore eyes will hamper my activities (eg. studying). Yet, I know that there is still this vulnerability that I'm unable to address and get a grip on.

One thing I'm really glad about is that my friends have stuck with me, given me advice and encouraged me (and I really, really thank God and appreciate them a lot). They never fail to make time to listen to me whenever I'm going through a rough patch and all but what I'm concerned about is family. Like what they always say "Blood is thicker than Water" but I don't really see it manifesting in mine (Hmm, then again the insecurity mentioned earlier might stem from this). I tend to admire friends who are very close to their families, siblings and stuff and I know that whenever they're in for a rough ride, they'll definitely turn to them first. Why issit that I can't do the same?

Sometimes I feel that I'm unable to confide with M cos she lacks the type of advice I need and will only come up with "practical" solutions that wouldn't seem to solve the problem. Sometimes I know that she knows I'm not being myself but I have this intuition that she doesn't dare to ask me about it. S is still too young to understand anything, although ironically, I think that I can be at ease with her the most. D is non-existent: he has his own life. And let's not even go on to talk about B. So all that's left is my friends - Sounds good but not enough. In fact, I've been relying on them way too much and although I've made improvements to be strong and stand up against these obstacles on my own, there's bound to be an Achilles Heel somewhere down the road.

I know that God has been with me a lot (and especially recently when I learnt to trust in Him more, which I see happening as I surrender more to Him) but He didn't make family for nothing.

Then again, maybe it's a good thing that I only have God and myself to account to: might teach me to cherish my independence more (and be more comfortable with it) and not be so dependent (emotionally) on others.

07 September, 2009

rebound!

I just realised that the last time I blogged was before I ran the Army Half! It's been a while man...anyway, thank God that I'm done with the Army Half. It was an experience,indeed. Haha! And like what I've been telling people, I was the last amongst my fellow running enthusiasts to complete the race (not like it's worth "boasting" about anyway)... Like any race, I've learnt a great deal about the dos and donts of marathon running:

1. Start slow, no matter how fast the others are running.
2. Run with music for runs that are longer than 10km. (The 21km felt like forever to complete!)
3. Eat an extra banana. According to the Banana Theory I've developed, 1 Banana could sustain me for 10km so for 21km I should have just eaten another one cos I got hungry halfway...heh.

The waterpoints were horrible it made despos out of us. (Still can't believe Josh just drank from a random bottle by the roadside!)

Anyway, this week was a rather hectic one...I'm not taking the music module anymore cos of (unjustified) timetable clashes but at least my Devt Psych appeal got through so besides this mod, I'm taking Abnormal Psych, Social Psych, Singapore Film (Haha to "Hang Jebat!") and Brit Lit. So far the people in my tutorials are quite nice, some familiar faces here and there and I can't believe ___is in my tutorial, how lucky can one get? XD

Other than school, the only other thing that's taking up a considerable amount of time would be Big Create. Just learnt new stuff from Wenyi for the band, and realised e. guitar's not as easy as it looks! I still prefer Bass btw....Anyway, the musical is 2 wednesdays from now and I've yet to perfect my part! :S

Last but not least, I've had a great birthday this year! Thanks to everyone who wished me or celebrated it and stuff...really appreciate everything, even if it was just a birthday greeting :)

Stay healthy folks!

15 August, 2009

I don't know why but I'm starting to feel jittery. Ok, maybe "jittery" is an understatement, I'm freaking out right now!!!

It's always easy in the beginning when one agrees and commits by registering and paying, it's only when you're in the process of training (or doing otherwise, which is highly likely!) ,or when that day draws closer after what seemed like eternity that you begin to realise the impact of your actions...haha!

21km sounded OK initially but the digits start to get bigger, now that I'm just 8-9 hours from the real deal. Maybe it's due to all the well wishes prior to the race (especially today) that make the run more of a reality. It's not that I haven't been doing anything to prepare for it, I have been upping the distance by 5km for each jog I did in the last few weeks. I've managed to hit 10km plus before the whole sore throat thing came about, which stopped the training regime even though it was one week before the actual run so....I don't know whether I'm prepared for it. Cedric was telling me the other night about his experience (he's running tmr too!). He ran CONTINUOUSLY for 21km but then, it's not very surprising considering the unit he hails from.

Nevertheless, I'm already in it, there's no turning back! Note to self: I have to get a grip. It's not like I'm climbing Mt. Everest (!!!)

And today's devotional was very, very apt for the occasion:

" Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize. Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. Therefore, I do not run like a man beating aimlessly...No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize."
[1 Corinthians 9:24-27]

Guess I'll just do the best I can tomorrow and run with a purpose!

05 August, 2009

B&B

Recently, I've been shoe-shopping...hmm,then again it seems like I've been shoe-shopping since a long time ago. I keep telling myself that I have WAYYYY too many pairs of pumps,shoes,sandals, the works...but in the end I'll lose my defenses and mom will start nagging at me for occupying almost the whole shoe cabinet!

Anyway, my "wedges" phase is almost over (after acquiring 2 pairs and gaining much satisfaction!) Recently, my latest feet fetish would be nude stilettos (OK, beige stilettos/heels in an effort not to sound crude). No more glaring, bright footwear that will catch the eye of passersby but the humble pair of nude footies.

Beige footwear tends to soften what would otherwise be a formal look, don't you agree?


Hayden Penetierre!

For some reason, it makes me feel one with Mother Nature cos it gives me the feeling that it's back to basics, that there's nothing to hide and everything is there as it is (OK, I'm starting to wax lyrical already!). Besides, I think I might justtt be able to pull it off, after my experience with brown peep-toe pumps...heh.

Good decision to put Meredith Vieira in beige patent heels with this outfit, makes for a more relaxed setting on a talkshow...

Chloe Sevigny in her beige strappies, a nice alternative to the nude patent stilettos I had in mind!


Just discovered that Christian Louboutin also had the nude/beige look in his signature collection and I believe Ayumi Hamasaki was one of his clientele for the look but unfortunately I can't find a picture of Ayumi wearing it! Nevertheless, I think Jessica Simpson looks nice and sweet in this one...

Somehow, this pair of beige/ off-colour yellow heels seems to tone down Victoria Beckham's intimidating/diva-like persona...at least, something new for a change!

Hmm, don't really have a thing for beige flats but these pair on Angelina Jolie doesn't look too bad...

Ahhhh! If only I can have Marissa Tomei's beige patent version...it's perfect! 8)

This is my favourite picture out of all I've posted so far. Somehow, this shot of Penelope Cruz dressed in soft cream/beige (not forgetting the matching beige footwear!) just proves that dressing simply can make one look elegant. Besides, I think this colour scheme's her element, it sorta complements her personality actually.

OK, I'm not into fashion as most of you already know and this shoe spread is just a one-off thing so...haha! Sartorial issues aside, I have some merry news..hahaha! I got all my 5 modules already,thank God seriously! :D

For core mods, I'm only doing Abnormal Psychology and Social Psych cos I'm unable to get Developmental Psych as it was in high demand (?!?!) And it was quite a relief that I didn't get Stats II cos I can't bear the thought of going through all that Stats shit again la (even though I have to face it eventually in subsequent semesters).

I used up my last elective mod on "Music in the Global Context", which is quite cool cos I finally get to do something I really want (with no obligations and stuff) and I get to actually have lessons at Yong Siew Toh Conservatory! XD

The other 2 would be British lit and Singapore Film (in an attempt to fulfil Uni requirements and actually, or hopefully, have an enjoyable experience out of it). Hopefully my appeal for Devt Psych gets through...

School's starting next Tuesday! No more slacking...I have to swing my CAP upwards from now onwards...crazy muggers....

PS: looking forward to the weekend :)

20 July, 2009

Period.

Feeling quite satisfied that I've met my target of running 7km today! :D Been procrastinating since Friday and if not for Nelvin, who keeps issuing constant reminders to "WAKE UP AND DO YOUR RUN!! 10 ROUNDS!!", I would still be idling at home! (Ps: Zhiyi! When are we ever running together again?)

The recent weekend wasn't a pleasant one, especially on Saturday. 'Was angry, disappointed and hurt all at once due to some things my mum said, which was quite unreasonable. Anyway, today would have been a better day to R&R since things have mellowed down a little and I'm feeling more objective ( I hope). Sometimes I wonder if things would have been better if I had furthered my education overseas and have more freedom. It would have been a good break from them anyway, although I can be sure that I'll miss some aspects of Singapore life...

My paternal grandpa's discharged now and thank God that he's fine. Visited him with the family on Saturday and it all would have turned out well until the security guard at the lift lobby had to ruin everything. I was fuming mad cos of all the commotion/fuss he created and if not for the sake of maintaining my testimony, I would have given him more than a piece of my mind!! (Now I know why they always say that anger can lead to high blood pressure and all sorts of things cos' I was so angry that I became giddy, I don't even know how it happened!)

I'm just thankful that Ye Ye is home now. Think I should really spend more time with him man...I can never forget that forlorn look on his face when we first entered his hospital room. And also the genuine happiness in his voice when I called him and Mama today. Seems like I should reorganise my priorities and spend more time with people who truly appreciate it, rather than on those who have been taking me for granted...

Maib's birthday is around the corner but since she's down with fever and H1N1-related symptoms (not that she's actually inflicted with the virus), she has to stay indoors for a week. The good thing about it, according to her, is that she gets to skip her 2.4km run but on the other hand, it would mean that she'll be spending her birthday in bed! XD

Anyway, just received news that my MATERNAL grandpa was just admitted to the hospital due to some lung problems (is there no end to this?!)

OK, think I should stop wallowing in self-pity...this is badd!! Other people have it worse than me (eg. the starving children in Africa, the homeless and destitute, etc...). Now's an apt time to catch a comedy online...