This Be The Verse (Philip Larkin)
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
I was watching Ted Lasso (awesome show!) when the character Mae recites this poem to Ted, which helpd him decide on his priorities. This is as real and direct a take on generational trauma as it can get, and although the ending is extreme, it is the only definitive way (I'm aware that our generation can be the cycle-breakers, go for therapy, practise gentle parenting etc but can you guarantee that no trauma will be passed down at all?)
Anyway, this is just my hot take. Maybe I'm just resentful with the adults in my family for not reflecting on their past and current behaviour. Maybe I've seen enough at home and work to come to this conclusion.
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