Hello again!

I'm feeling terribly irritable today. I got upset/annoyed by the smallest things my friends did/said. I couldn't concentrate in lecture at all and even though I was listening to the lecturer, I wasn't comprehending what she said and I was spacing out more than usual! The worse thing was I didn't feel like socialising today cos normally I would at least try and make an effort to create small talk with acquaintances or people I've just met/been introduced to but I didn't feel like it today totally.
Maybe it's the feeling of going back to school again: "journey-ing to the West" all the time, climbing those dreaded slopes, inclines,hills and staircases in school,meeting up for projects and catching up on readings, hating the feeling that my eyes get dry and my face gets very oily whenever I'm in school, running after buses, etc...(Okok, I should count my blessings...at least I'm not starving and dying under the hot sun in my makeshift cardboard house in Africa...)

But at least I'm not feeling as cranky, now that I'm home - all showered and reclined in a comfortable position, typing this..haha...(sometimes I don't understand my moodswings...)

Mid-sem break's over and I felt like I haven't done any "proper resting" yet. If I had to summarise what I've done for the break and give it a name, it will be called "minor hassles and annoyances" week. Aside from Dhab's departure and the Perfumes project meeting, which isn't a hassle because it has to be done, I felt that the rest of my time was spent doing things that I didn't enjoy due to obligations and answering to certain people whom I'm starting to get really annoyed with, REALLY annoyed. You and you, stop bothering me with your talk of dreams and success, serious! I know you mean well but you don't have to resort to such tactics to get me in.

Anyway, I'm quite happy and satisfied cos I achieved a new first yesterday! I completed a 10-km run in approximately 1 hour 10mins! :D
Even though I almost vomited at the finishing line - ALMOST but I swallowed it back, thank God that the weather was perfect at that time, I had stitches which were insignificant enough to cause pain (although I discovered new areas in my body where I could get stitches) and I didn't walk, which was an achievement for me cos I wasn't really prepared for the run.
I knew my body was still doing fine at the 5-km marker but when I hit 8-km, I couldn't feel my legs at all and my toes seemed to be separate entities, moving grudgingly against my will. Nat was invincible -no complications, unlike me with stitches and bouts of nausea. He was the Speed Racer of the day, charging full throttle and overtaking others without a care in the world, right Nat? :P

I gained a new insight that day: Never look down on old people (old=45 years old and above). Even though they started 15 minutes later than the youth category, many ah pehs and some aunties overtook me. One uncle, who overtook me, even had the energy to advise me to "swing my arms" and not rest them on my hips! I salute them man....

On another note, I couldn't walk properly today cos the joints at my knees are aching terribly and climbing stairs was a burden. Butt muscles are most likely to hurt next too, I can feel it...

OK, gotta' go! Craving for some nice,cold chocolate milk now :D

to everything, there is a season...

This was supposed to be a much happier and sentimental post but because of my stoooopid laptop case, it just ruined everything! 'Just discovered that my new, chio and flamboyant laptop case IS NOT OF THE RIGHT SIZE!!! (short of a few more inches!) and the best thing is that I can't ask for a refund, neither can I exchange it for a bigger size!! I think Yee, Dhab and Cui will just explode if they know about this cos they accompanied me to find the case (of which I took ages to decide on).

Breathe in, breathe out.....arghhhh!!!!

OK! Anyway, the month of February has not been a very satisfying one, mostly due to some stupid issues and school, of which I have not been really motivated to study as hard as I'm supposed to be, but I won't delve into that now.

Another reason would be due to the fact that some of the most cherished people in my life would soon be leaving for greener pastures (or so it seems cos I'm in an escapist mood right now and anywhere would seem better than Singapore at the moment).

Rachel, you've been a really, really wonderful friend to have: one whom I can just joke and laugh and be wild with without feeling embarrassed or conscious about. Come to think of it, you added the extra zest to JC life: your screaming and suaning and butt-smacking (how can you and I EVER forget that) and last-min homework and all the endless laughter.

Even though all these took place within a short period of less than 2 years, it was enough to make class life in JC extra enjoyable. Didn't realise the extent of how awkward it would be to know that you'll not be on local soil for a long time to come, until the dinner a few weeks back. You'll be greatly missed, panic partner! Come back and visit during the hols! :)


AND Cui, all this while I have been living in some sort of self-denial, telling myself that you're only leaving a few months later. Months became weeks, which gradually were reduced to days and thinking about it really makes me feel sad now. No more random dates after school to your place, no more live music with you and Ngak (heh heh), ranting and raving sessions would not be as convenient as before now that you're gone :(

Anyway, I can't emphasise enough how much you mean to me after all these years. We've seen each other grow and (hopefully) mature through secondary school, shared our new experiences gained during JC and now,we're embarking on another stage of our life (makes me think about the marriage/children list we had back in secondary school with the rest man!). Hmm, feels weird telling you this through my blog instead of a letter but at least you get to see it still (and you wouldn't lose it, like how you lost my previous letter!).

OK, I think I better stop here before I get too emotional. Don't forget us when you're there ok? And you better come back often to see us hor! It's an order! :D


Also, Dhab! 'Know you're leaving next week but I enjoyed spending time with you too! Hope you feel likewise even though many things have changed since the last time you were in SG. Hopefully the Melbourne trip in July will be a success 'cos the only obstacle (and probably the biggest one) would be my parents but nevertheless, I'll try my best to persuade them. Until then! :D

Can't wait to leave Singapore man.

Meet Logan, The Sky Angel Cowboy - CBN News

Very inspirational....Despite his age, God still uses him to bless and touch so many people around the world. A very good example of how children can be used by God in their own special way :)

getting into the thick of things...

Hellooo....actually I'm quite reluctant to post an entry now but since I have nothing much to do while waiting for my hair to dry, I'll just update you on what's happening now (if anyone is actually reading this at all...haha...)

Hmm, I'm sure some of you already know that my timetable for this Semester is crazy: I'll be going to school everyday as opposed to last Sem in which I had a free day and shorter hours. AND compared to last Sem, my current modules are not as interesting as last Sem's (I'm doing Stats and research methods for Psych, Japanese Studies, Geog (again),French, and Perfumes and Cosmetics). Japanese Studies was a Faculty requirement and Geog was a module taken out of desperation.So far, what I thought would be interesting was not, due to the lecturer - the Perfumes and Cosmetics one - and what might be boring -Stats, without a doubt - seemed to provide a glimmer of hope. As for French, lectures only start next week so hopefully it will make going to school a more enjoyable experience.
AND for Geog alone we have 4 projects, CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?! Anyway, I'm just gonna leave it to God, even though it's easier said than done, and try not to put so much stress on myself whenever I picture my timetable in my mind...


Oh ya..I got a new laptop! It's the same as Joan's, a Fujitsu S Series which costs the same as hers (I overlooked the GST Component!) and no, it doesn't have a name yet (in case you were still wondering, Duc). Even though it's not as nice and chic as the Macbook or even the Toshiba Protege, it seems more durable and reliable. Moreover, I have SO much more freedom! No fights and hassles with the little emo Emperor of the house and the speed is sooo much faster! My files are more organised and I can classify files and data the way I want it to be done! :D

Anyway, today was really an experience indeed. I decided to participate in my church's Netball Superleague cos this is the first time that Netball was introduced into the Heart.Sports category and I haven't played Netball for Ages (excluding the NUS Recre Netball days which were quite numbered and non-existent). As usual, the adrenaline rush came naturally and I was really very excited to play after so long. Midori felt more jittery than usual maybe cos she's the captain..haha...

We lost the match with Region C but the latter deserved to win anyway. Felt quite guilty after the match cos I shouted at my Goal Defense cos she was not helping me in the semi-D and in my third of the court at all. Hmm...come to think of it, this seems to be a recurrent problem that I face whenever I play cos whenever I go on court, I'm a different person:more aggressive and impatient,playing my best and expecting people to play their best too. It's good for the game but people may get the wrong impression afterwards.

Pastor Chian got Virnice and I to referee the game after ours. Their players were really aggressive and the game had more momentum

It was quite comforting to know that I'm not the only one feeling guilty after a game cos of what happened on court. Seemed like people were apologising to each other after every match too...Well, let's just hope and pray that Region A (that's my region) will get their act together and by that I mean, playing their best cos winning really isn't everything. Anyway, quite deadbeat now...leg muscles are aching and the left knee feels a bit worn out....till next time!

Glutton Alert!

Bidding is seriously getting on my nerves!!! Why can't the system be more idiot-proof or, at the very least, organised?!

Well, thank God for the Internet-at least I could seek solace from my greatest love,FOOD! :D



Sources: food pornographer,gainhub, jimmychin.net, joy of baking, masak-masak, milk and cookies, sopressata

Scouring food blogs can be very therapeutic. Besides acting as a form of catharsis, it is a slightly low-down version of satisfying yourself without feeling the immediate guilt that you would feel if you binge (unless of course you binge immediately after reading them).

Also proves that I have a loooong way to go in my pursuit of creating not just edible food but that which is appealing to both the senses and the stomach.

And even though we're quite blessed with the variety of food here in Singapore, there's so much more which we have yet to discover with regards to food man...Imagine having the privilege to traverse the globe and trying out and reviewing different types of food:from the eccentric to the extravagant, their take on gourmet fare to their definition of comfort food, that would be my idea of THE dream job!

Time for a Reality check. Biddinggggg.....

As long as I can secure my 5 modules (which are interesting and manageable), and as long as I have one free day in my timetable for this coming semester, I'm happy enough.

2 more precious days till school starts....

to a loved one...

First things first, I disobeyed your order to read it before I sleep 'cos the offer was too tempting. What's with the rule of reading it only before I sleep anyway? You're making me have insomnia that way ok! :P

Anyway, your letter was a nice surprise, really...very encouraging (don't roll your eyes!) so, to ensure that your efforts won't go to waste, here's your reply(Disclaimer: In case you haven't noticed, Gemini is a double entity and likewise, I'm not that good with words too so, don't worry about that!).

Honestly speaking, I didn't know I was THAT significant to you, haha! I've been very blessed to know someone like you too. You've been equally, if not more, generous when it comes to spending time and money with me. Know something? I don't know why but somehow I tend to feel guilty when I'm out with you cos you seem to be paying for everything most of the time and also for listening to my rants and complaints, which are trivial compared to the problems you are facing now.

I admire your courage, your open-mindedness as well as your receptiveness in handling the things and the people around you. You've been as understanding and supportive in helping me with my decision-making, not forgetting your honesty, which can be difficult to convey to a friend as the truth hurts sometimes. I guess I still have a long way to go with regards to my self-esteem (as a boring person) and I'm actually quite surprised to see that you think otherwise 'cos you're wayyy more interesting than me man....

Truth be told, I enjoy spending time with you, really. I don't know about you but it seems to me that everywhere I go, there's surely one thing around, wherever I might be at that moment, that reminds me that we've "been there, done that" (if you know what I mean). Like what you've mentioned, we've done everything under the sun from food to fashion, music to movies (PS: "Twilight" is overrated and Russell Wong's cool okaye!?), from our recent fetish on staying fit to our innate love for lit.

Just to share with you, THAT night at the park was one of the best moments of Year 2008. (You remember it too, don't you?) I like the fact that we were oblivious to the people around us, especially your favourite SIM dragonboating hunk at the fitness corner, and were happy just sitting there and belting out whatever songs that came to our mind etc. Even our rendition of the National Day Songs (complete with our brand of alarming dance moves a la High School Musical cum MTV-style) was enough to make my day. Guess I could say that was one of the times I felt like myself again,haha....

Also, I really appreciate your willingness and your concern with regards to listening to my problems. The reason why I might seem reluctant to share about my issues is due to the fact that I'm inherently a cautious and reserved person (if you aren't already aware of it) and it can be quite hard to share my problems just like that but I promise I'll be more open with you about my stuff ok?

Most of all, I admire the love and concern you have for your family. I really don't know what to say...

And, and, and....don't ever think that you're insignificant to me 'cos you're not! Friendship cannot be computed in economical terms. Having more friends does not mean that the value of regard one feels for each friend shrinks like Economies of Scale (EOS) ok...Quantity does not equate to quality.

I hate to think that you perceive yourself as someone with no determination and diligence cos I believe that you do have these qualities. It's just that you do not realise it and actualise it as much yet. You might not be aware of it but your easy personality makes people around you feel at ease. That is also the reason why you should not be feeling depressed cos it really rubs off on the other party and you're only making me worry more.

I know it seems inappropriate to add this but my deepest desire is to see you getting out of your depressed psyche and taking control of your life cos it really hurts to see you suffering but not being able to help you as much as I'd liked to. I know I have no right to say this but I really wish that you'll see Life through a different lens, not as the dark and pessimistic one you deem it to be but that of one with endless possibilities, where things are fluid and ever-changing.

And much as I want to be there for you all the time, I know it is impossible due to my limited capacities as a human but I'd like you to know that you'll be a constant in my prayers and that God loves you and is always there to listen to you.

Finally, even though I mentioned earlier that this is a reply to your letter, and like all replies one has to be compelled to write stuff like that, take heart that everything comes from the heart and that I truly feel this way, even though I don't express it openly to you.

I really hope that this year (as well as in many other years to come) will be a booster to our friendship :D

PS: Quite random, but you are not banned from my blog now (I felt that I need to say this cos it would be quite unfair if I deny you access, at this point of our friendship, right?)

cognitive vomit

Arghh...can't believe holidays are almost coming to an end. Seems like the days after exam were just a myriad of activities: shopping, going out, meeting up,exercising,etc...

I have to say that this Christmas was one of the busiest Christmases I've ever had for the whole 19 years of my life. I didn't realise that being involved in the youth Christmas event for church could take up such a substantial amount of time even though my role was quite minor (At this point, I really salute the Pastors and church people for always giving their 101% to the events to make it a memorable one!).

I think I'm feeling the after effects of Christmas already: physical and mental burnout, a deep gaping hole in my pocket, not to mention the fact that I can feel a slight fever building up.

Hmmm...should really start taking care of myself cos I've been pushing my physical and mental faculties way past the limit but come to think of it,I have no regrets. Sounds cliche but I realised that giving is indeed better than receiving. Up to now, I didn't really understand its significance but somehow this Christmas, it hit me in a way I didn't realise before.

For this Christmas, I decided to go wholesale and baked stuff for 85% of my family and friends cos it's faster and more personal, I guess. Didn't realise that a simple cake/brownie could make someone's day more than I thought :)

Well, as for the downside of Christmas, I felt that I was not spending enough time with my family and I know that mum is kinda upset about that, especially the Christmas shopping part. 'Know my aunties are also kinda disappointed with me about some stuff but it's not as if I can help it. I really tried and even talked to God about it and stuff but sometimes it's good that you don't add any additional pressure. It'll only result in the reverse effect. Nevertheless, I'm glad that the Christmas party sorta gave us a neutral ground to start all over again and stuff...

Besides family, I felt that I have not been fair to some of my friends with regards to spending more time with them and stuff due to my other activities and I'm feeling guilty all over again. Dhab, you're seriously one of the most generous friends I've ever met and your selflessness always makes me feel bad. The treat at Seoul Garden's on us, ok? Besides Dhab, there are many others whom I felt I could have met up with more often. I can even see the names running through my mind now :(

Anyway, bidding starts tomorrow and I'm really dreading it. It's as if we are voluntarily signing up for another 5 months of torture (not to mention, competing with others to secure our most desired suffering) and if we make a mistake in bidding for an inappropriate module (our channel of suffering), we'll endure additional bouts of pain. Sounds theatrically angsty right? But I'm not kidding - I've never detested going back to school so much in my life. At least you can look forward to seeing old, familiar and mostly friendly faces in pri/sec school and JC but uni's seriously different. Everyone seems superficial and too "mature" to break out of their superior, intellectual mould (whether genuine or not) such that you can really get a glimpse of who they really were before entering uni and stuff.

Anyway, truth be told, I'm not sure why I keep having this urge to stay away from the house as much as possible and delay my return trips home. Maybe I do know why and am in self-denial but I just hope things will be clearer soon. God, I need you now more than ever before...