The reason why I'm blogging earlier than usual is due to desperate attempts to calm myself down from my grandma, who is getting wayyyy out of hand. She started getting violent when I brought her to bathe just now (read: scratching and lashing out at me), all the while shrieking and wailing like a hyena out of control. She thinks that we're treating her like a "3-year old" - in her own words - and that we're not giving her privacy by bathing her. Don't get me wrong, we did try to ask her to bathe on her own but she'll continue sitting on her bed till kingdom come and she hasn't move as much as an inch. As such, we had no choice but to bring her in. It was REALLY bad and I'm just glad that I have some much-needed me-time now to come to my peaceful online sanctuary (drama or what, haha)...

As I'm typing this, she's still in the room muttering and grumbling under her breath (which reminds me that she hasn't brushed her teeth yet and that I haven't given her her saltwater gargle, drat). I'm this close to exploding like a nuclear bomb on steroids!!

And just before this recent outburst, which is known as "sundowning" (I researched) she was actually alright, but she was doing, what I would like to call "dry-crying." I tried to comfort her but to no avail. It's like she's lost in her own little degenerating universe of gloomy thoughts and that the only way out is getting into that alternate universe of hers.

Thank God that Maib is back from camp: she got quite a rude awakening to the horrors of what we've been through and unfortunately, Maib's fuse is shorter than mine, haha...

Just remembered that the hospital rang Dad up last night to request for permission for Yeye to be strapped to his bed cos he was wandering around the hospital last night, acting all "Cai Shen Ye" and throwing money from his pocket.

I don't know how to feel about all this, really. One moment I'm all optimistic and patient, trying to empathise with their situation (know it's not easy for Mama to be away from home for so long and away from her husband, and for Yeye to be cooped up so long). At other times, it'll be impatient, angst-ridden me shouting at Mama (I really tried but I'm human after all) and self-pitying myself. Last night I was over at their place getting their essentials so I got a chance to look through their belongings. They actually still kept my toothbrush from childhood in case I plan to stay over at their place again. And the toys my brother and I played with in our younger days when we stayed over were still there. Brought back a floodgate of memories...

Visited Yeye with Aunty Winnie (Dad's cousin)last night. He's on the brink of getting dementia too. He kept insisting that Mama bring us to his favourite restaurant and order glutinous rice (which he thinks is our favourite) for us. Kept taking out money from his pocket for it too.

I want the old "them" back. I wish dementia was just a dream, things will be so much easier. I can wake them up from this living nightmare and all of us wouldn't have to suffer anymore. It's heartbreaking.