"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. . .In fact, the state of being in love usually does not last. . .But of course ceasing to be 'in love' need not mean ceasing to love. Love. . .is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit;reinforced by the grace which both partners ask and receive from God. . .'Being in love' first moved them to promise fidelity: this quieter love enables them to keep their promise. It is on this love that the engine of marriage is run: being in love was the explosion that started it."

[C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity ]

reflections...

I'm back to blogging again!

Hmm...it's always hard to start blogging again after abstaining from it for so long. Actually, it's more of procrastination that's been keeping me from doing it besides the fact that I've been busy but after reading Joan and Cui's blogs and their honest reflection and musings about stuff, I finally decided to pen down some thoughts which I've been having on my part.


As you all know (well, at least those who are still visiting my blog occasionally), I've been spending time with Chris (hmm..feels weird to call him that now) ever since we got together and it's been a ride. For starters, I'm beginning to understand the issues which I once thought would be easy to resolve when I was single and when I hear the problems (similar ones as mine) being told to me by my friends who are attached. We aren't as free to make decisions as it seems compared to independent, single life.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining now that I'm with Chris and all. He's been more than nice to me and I love and cherish him and thank God for him. It's just that I didn't expect that I would have to get used to living a "double life" like what Michelle termed it. Not in terms of double standards but with regards to decision-making. I have to factor chichi (yeah, that's what I call him) into the decisions I make now (eg. Do we have plans on that day? Will he like what I'm doing? etc etc). I've been so accustomed to planning my day and the activities around myself, you see.

Maybe it's just me. I've always imagined relationships to work in mushy, romantic ways; that everything will eventually work out once both parties come to an understanding with each other but now that I'm in one, it's becoming more like a reality check (hmmm..I'm making it sound like there are problems in my relationship now but don't worry, we're very much in love :) )

Ultimately, one thing I hope would be that my core self (the idiosyncracies that makes me who I am) would  remain and that I'll still be the same, old me. Of course there'll be certain areas that will change for sure (eg. who knows, maybe I will become more feminine or whatever that happens when one gets into a relationship) but essentially, I hope that both of us will still retain an independent part of ourselves, one that our friends will still recognise and associate us being uniquely us with, while living our life (and making decisions with) as a couple. It all comes down to striking a balance in whatever we do.

As for changing for the better, now that I'm with chichi, I realised that there are stuff about myself that I'm unaware about (which he's been pointing out). It's stuff that friends wouldn't dare to tell me directly or stuff that might seem too trivial to be brought out on the table for correction, but they might be things that might leave an unfavourable lasting impression.

Well, if it feels like a depressing post for someone who just got attached, I'm just being honest here :/

For now, I'm just glad that we're being open and honest to each other, telling the other party when we're not happy with a certain issue, etc...and I hope it will last even after the "honeymoon period" is over. Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that chichi is experienced in such stuff enough to know that we have to regulate our feelings from time to time and come back to earth once in a while...

And ultimately, I hope (and I know he stands with me on this point) that our relationship will be God-centred and that our walk with Him will not waver now that we have each other (especially at this stage).

Please keep us in prayer :)

it's official!

Happy Birthday chichi! <3

I'M BACK!

After a hiatus of 3 months, it's time to stop procrastinating and write something before I lose my ability to come up with a coherent paragraph (OK, I'm exaggerating as usual). I'm so glad that the hols are here again and depending on whether I can make it for honours or not, it'll either be my last school break or the period where I'm unemployed for real. This semester, on the whole, compared to other sems was definitely more relaxed but there were more hands-on stuff and more field trips, which I really enjoyed. Plus the mods I did were those that I really, really enjoyed so I didn't mind putting in just a little more effort.

Although it could be really a chore travelling to McRitchie Reservoir to observe aggressive macaques which, in reality, display more nit-picking and mating behaviours than the ambitious-sounding behaviours we expected (of monkeys growling and charging towards us till their territory boundary), it turned out fun in the end; coupled with Ben's endless Social Work theories, Eugene's David Attenborough-British-accented imitations and of course not forgetting the notorious Leonard of Group 24, of which further elaboration is not required xD

Field trip to Substation (not Timbre!) was great. Got to see many aspects of the place which we normally do not get access to. Loved the dance studio (went there again for AP's surprise birthday 2 months later). Watched "Closer" with Nat, Rhyss and Kirsten too.

Also, I had to watch 2 concerts for my Music module, of which I particularly enjoyed the first concert - Classical South Indian Dance! :D So glad that AP enjoyed and could appreciate the concert. We bumped into our French lecturer there and of course Dr.Ty was there. NUS Wind Symphony Concert was a letdown and it brought down my concert report grade! :(

Social Work visits to AMK FSC and Geylang East Home for the Aged. Preferred the latter as we actually got to interact with the elderly (instead of listening to a 2-hr plus presentation).

Besides the happenings in school, there was the Lighthouse project which Region A adopted for our Deep Justice Community Project. Now that Ena's no longer overseer, I wonder if we're still gonna continue with it. After all, it's supposed to be a sustainable project and it would definitely do both the school and our church well with such an initiative. Then there was the Region A Event - Nobody's Somebody. Acted as a pregnant mother (for the 2nd or 3rd time) =.=

Gerald and Mich's wedding in March - Happy for the both of them. They serenaded to each other for their wedding march! Mich's moving over to Region C for the next 3 years :( Still feels weird without her around in YCG but getting used to it already.

JB with Alan and Nelvin - For once, the movie we watched was of some standard ("The Eagle"). Besides that, we did the usuals, shopped and had dinner at the same place (although we had lesser dishes cos there were only 3 of us).

OUT Picnic at Lower Seletar Reservoir was great! (for more reasons than 1) ;)

Polling Day! So glad that I don't have to wait till I'm much older before the next election to vote. The compulsory voting law didn't affect me at all cos I would have gone and voted even if it was optional anyway. I could go on and on about the details and happenings of this election and where I stand with regards to PAP and the various opposition parties but I think I'll leave that out for now. All that matters now is to see if they live up to their promises and deliver what they propose they would do.

Well, think this was pretty much the main stuff, nothing much you missed out on anyway. For now, I'm so glad that exams are over. Get to spend more time with chichi (the fun starts NOWWW!) :D 

the little things...

It's Chinese New Year again!

Things are slightly different this year (still feeling weird that Yeye isn't around anymore but oh well...). It's Day 1 today. Wasn't expecting anything much for lunch today since Mama can't cook but surprisingly Tari, our domestic helper, could whip up the same vegetarian dish that we have been having for the past Chinese New Years! :D I was really thrilled that it was exactly the same, in terms of taste, maybe slightly salty but everything else was there :)

There are 3 things I look forward to during Chinese New Year: Bak Kwa (and I'll get to that later), my mom's homecooked dinners, probably reunion dinner (cos the whole family will be there and it's just nice to have the whole family gathering for a change), ang paos (who doesn't?) and pineapple tarts, speaking of which, Daniel's mom made Kueh Bangkit for me on top of the 2 bottles of pineapple tarts she has already made! :)

Ok, I'm starting to give you the impression that I'm a glutton now but I prefer the term foodie, haha.

Back to the Bak Kwa. On the eve of CNY's eve, I was desperately craving for Bak Kwa and was wondering why no one bought Bak Kwa this year. The thing is in previous years, there was always an abundance of Bak Kwa but we didn't eat it cos it became more like a chore to do so after awhile due to it being plentiful that in the end, we had to throw away some of them cos they started to be mouldy (what a waste right?). Thankfully, my Dad bought MZX Bak Kwa the following day. Not gonna worry about the weight issue until after CNY when the period of feasting's over. There's still another lunch with the paternal grandma tomorrow and we'll be celebrating my maternal grandpa's birthday at Chinatown on the third day (another feast!).

Although we're supposed to be visiting people's homes during CNY, it has always been a period of rest for me (yeah, quite ironic I know). Since our family is so small (both paternal and maternal) and since the habit of visiting friends is dwindling, this means I can get as much "me" time as I want, which is a necessity cos I can foresee my schedule after this long break, especially when March arrives.

This Sem (presumably my last semester) is rather a "relaxed" one since I'm taking four UEs and a level 3 Psych module on Emotions (Socio-cognitive perspectives now, after last sem's psychobiological perspectives). I'm taking a Theatre module ("The Theatre Experience"), a music module ("Music in the Global Context"), a life science module ("Animal Behaviour") as well as an Intro module in Social Work. I should say most of the workload would be rather hands-on; lesser readings and more of field work although assignments and presentations still remain as part of the CA. What's different is that I'll be reviewing 2 concerts, a play, a film, a trip to see theatre behind the scenes, plenty of visits to nature areas as part of our project to observe an animal for more than 10 hours, as well as making 2 visits to social service agencies.

The theatre module's not bad so far. 'Was planning to blog about my thoughts on one particular set of readings but that will come later.
As for the music mod, I particularly enjoy the tutorials. We get to learn to play instruments from different cultures - we rotate after every 3 tutorials. I'm just done with the African music group and we get to learn the Mbira, which is a thumb piano, for 2 lessons and percussion (drums, shakers, double bells, etc...) for the last one. 'Will be moving on to South Indian music next week (Sitar, here I come!) XD
 Dr.Ty's really amiable and knowledgeable and he can go on and on about his experiences and about the instruments and cultures to which they belong. The only reason why I'm not paying attention would be cos of involuntary slumber (which is due to sheer exhaustion from sleeping late).

As for social work, I'm beginning to have a newfound respect for the profession.It really isn't easy to deal with people and I agree that it takes a lot of emotional strength to be able to engage in this kinda profession and still remain emotionally healthy. Maybe I should consider embarking on Dr.Esther's idea of taking a week-long "silent retreat" too (impossible as it may be). Imagine a week without our cell phone, no internet access and music (music?!?! how's that possible?).

Realised I didn't talk about the Christmas events. On the whole, everything went rather well: the play with Alan and co. was great! 'Was nervous as usual but I really enjoyed myself working with all of them. Silverscreen Christmas was a beautifully chaotic event from start to end. Went to church early to help decorate the place, then we touched up on the props for the movie re-enactment, after which I had to help my cell group members to paint themselves blue (Avatar remember?) and cos some of them decided at the eleventh hour that they wanted to be Avatars too, which means we had to make additional costumes and spend more time slabbing body paint on more people at the hot basement carpark (we were like fighting with the heat cos they kept perspiring after paint jobs, which means more time touching up but they look awfully great in the end). I was so busy throughout the day that before I knew it, we had to gather at The Prov for the event already. The actual movie re-enactment was not bad although I felt we were mildly panicking while we were setting up the stage but everything went rather well :)

Hmm..it's already February 2011. Wonder how the year will turn out cos I'm feeling rather apprehensive about what will happen after graduation. I can plan as much as I want (grad trip before finding work, probably pursuing Masters if I arrive at a decision about whether Psych is really the field I wanna be in, etc...) but what if my mom disapproves? And it seems like my aunts are assuming that I'll be working immediately after I graduate :/

Choices, choices, choices. Sometimes I wonder if we're really given as much leeway to do stuff we like/want to do. Then again it depends on what orientation one is coming from. If we decide to wholeheartedly follow what we seek out to do, then we might most probably be doing so at the expense of being selfish. But if I decided to follow the general, run-of-the-mill path, I might not be truly happy and I might even be dreading work everyday. Imagine being stuck in this 50 odd-year vicious cycle of dread? :X

And what if what I want to do isn't in accordance with God's will? Another thing to ponder and seek God about...

I better start flipping through the brochures from the career fair and maybe start on my job hunt soon.

Josh Groban Performs "Voce Existe Em Mim"

My second-favourite song on his new album, sung in Brazilian-Portuguese! 8)

Initially I planned to make this post (my first for Year 2011) about my reflections for the previous year as well as resolutions for this year (which I intend to fulfill!) but after packing my room, I recovered some primary and secondary school journals which we used to have for English lessons so I started penning some down in my blog just to remember them and shred the physical copies (Space in my room is as valuable as land in Singapore and Hong Kong now man!).
Anyway, I was smiling to myself while reading some of the entries and I can't believe how simple-minded and innocent I was back then. There was this entry in Primary School about my ambition in the future and this was what I wrote:

I want to be an Air Stewardess. My reason for being an Air Stewardess is because the salary is high and sometimes, I can't sleep at night so at least I have some work to do. I also like to serve the passengers because I like to take their orders. It can be quite fun. I must study hard to make my ambition come true so that by the time I reach university, I can train to be an Air Stewardess to serve the passengers better. I will work on an aeroplane, for example, Singapore Airlines, Qantas, etc...I will be a hardworking and polite Air Stewardess if I can get the job.

Think my parents will literally cry especially when they read the sentence with the university part, haha!

Besides the abovementioned entry, another one which got my attention was the one written in secondary school about what I plan to do when I hit 18. I think I sort of fulfilled some of what I planned to do like get a degree (which I am in the process of doing), go to amusement parks (although I don't think I fulfilled the thriller rides part sufficiently enough, cowardly as I am), drink (although I suspect that this criteria was accomplished before 18) and go backpacking with my aunt (although it was fulfilled partially cos we only went to Vietnam that year instead of around the world!)

It's nice to know how I was like last time. In fact, I can still recall exactly the thoughts that I had while writing the journals at that time, sometimes even the environment I was in, etc...Sometimes I can't believe I was THAT serious while jotting them down, now that I'm laughing at myself but I'm glad that things have changed (obviously).


Back to the point. Due to the fact that I was busy converting the journals to virtual space, I ended up putting the resolutions and reflections on hold. Well, I came up with three resolutions as people have been asking and they are to make better decisions, be more understanding towards people (maybe sometimes accepting who they are) and also to have more control of my life (saying "no" when appropriate). As for reflections, well, guess you all should know that 2010 wasn't as ideal as I would like it to be but it has, no doubt, taught me many lessons (sometimes I'm bored of hearing myself say this over and over again). I'm glad I tried many things too and got to know a few more interesting people. Anyway, I'm hoping that 2011 would be a better year, haha!

Speaking of trying new things, I've recently agreed to taking up Handball with an external club. We've been training for close to a month and I'm slowly getting the hang of it. Tonight was just one of the nights we trained and I was rather disappointed with myself for not having enough confidence and for not being daring enough to actually try to shoot the ball into the goal. If you look at videos of how they shoot during Handball tournaments, it's not as easy as it looks (at least to me). Not only must you figure out how to get past the defenders, who are very fond of clamping you down, but you have to decide where to aim so as to prevent it from being saved by the goalie easily. I haven't even reached the part of shooting with style.
Anyway, I did try to shoot but it always gets saved due to it lacking power and it being such a direct shot, and this further decreases my morale. This increasingly discourages me from shooting even when I have a chance to and I end up playing support most of the time, in terms of feeding the ball to my teammates (which I think I'm doing ok).

Argghh, guess I have to either persist in it or give it up altogether (although it sounds quite escapist, haha). We'll see how it goes...

Other than that, Round 2A of bidding starts tomorrow. I'm really hoping I can secure the Theatre module and the Music module (which I dropped 2 semesters ago). Keeping my fingers crossed!